Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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