FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
