And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
