I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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