Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
