you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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