he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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