So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize