I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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