Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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