Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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