i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
