I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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