Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
