she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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