Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
