I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
