update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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