As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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