What a fucking waste of an outfit
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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