I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
