you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
