I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
