So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
