shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will be naked everywhere
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
