My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh god it's open bar.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
