my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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