i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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