I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
