So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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