you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
