He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
