I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
