My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
