I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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