Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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