she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
