I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
