After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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