i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Girls should come with a carfax report
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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