We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
