wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
