was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
