shes about as inviting as chlamydia
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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