quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
