There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
