your thong is hanging out like whoa
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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