There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
