Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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