So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
