a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
