God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is the high leading the old right now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
