Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
