capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
