My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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