Your face is a jimmy john
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
