Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
