WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
