My nipple is on Facebook.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
did i walk over a car last night?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
