i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
